we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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