You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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