you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
