So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
