She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
