You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
