What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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