Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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