Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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