I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
