im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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