I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
