just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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