I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
