Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
