just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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