C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize