Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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