They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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