Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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