your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Still dying that you shit outside
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
