I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
