Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
