Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
