Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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