we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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