Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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