: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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