I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
