please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
