He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
