is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
