The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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