We won't sleep together?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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