evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
