Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize