i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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