My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize