Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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