you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
