terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
