Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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