This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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