I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
