He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
