Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
