okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
