Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
