I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
