I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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