ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
