Don't make out with my wife yet
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
