If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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