Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
