I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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