I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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