Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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