I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize