Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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