I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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