Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
