I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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