R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
