Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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