Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
