she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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