you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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