Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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