I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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