Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
