I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
