Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
