my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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