He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
